Happily compiled by Peter/CXO Wiz4biz 8/13
Law Of Computer Programming: 1) Any given program, by the time you get it running, is obsolete. 2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. 4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. 5) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. 6) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it. 7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Paul Revere “Virus”: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.
1st Law – Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
2nd Law – Expenditures rise to meet income.
3rd Law – The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
4th Law (Committees) – The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
5th Law – If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
6th Law – Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.
[I resent this one the most. Peter, Wiz4biz]
Peter’s Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence. [The other one is “Rob Peter to pay Paul”]
Possible computer Bumper Stickers
1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
2. <-------- The information went data way 3. The name is Baud...James Baud. 4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! 6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
7. Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
8. Backups? We don’ *NEED* no steenking backups.
9. E Pluribus Modem
10. …. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
13. 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.
14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . .
16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
18. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key
19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
20. E-mail returned to sender — insufficient message.
21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
22. “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981
23. Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N)
26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
27. Hit “any user” to continue.
28. Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.
29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
Comments: Any Humor you’d like to add?